when the whole world turns its back on you..i'll reach out my hand

suhweet

2005-01-05T00:27:01Z

well yesterday and today were fun

and new years was super fun at sams house

i'm out of here

martha

New years

2004-12-30T14:12:31Z

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.

I can't believe that in Two Days its gunna be January 1. New years is my favorite time of the year, not only because i always spend it with my samantha, but also because its a new year, a new start....i love the word new, it gives you a chance to start completly over (for the most part). Gah this year was sooo hectic. First i went out with Josh Keranovic. I'll keep my comments to myself about that relationship (haha u kno i love you josh). then there was jose...march 21,2004. i don't even feel like going into details about this relationship, i don't feel like talking abotu it much. I learned so much from it though, i don't want to live with regrets...just take the lessons that come out of each situation. So This new years i'm looking foward to better then anyother one that has come about, its like all the other yeras i've been completly blind to whats going on the world..and now its like my eyes are open, and they want sooo badly to shut again. I've become more aware of life, and i would in a heartbeat be 7 years old again. i hate growing up its the worst thing ever. and to think....that in a few years i'm going to be introduced to another part of life...and my eyes are going to open up a little bit more, i'm scared for my future, i don't know what i'm going to end up doing i want to be so manythings, and do so manythings, and help so many people. life is to short...so this year i'm making it my goal to have fun, to live life, to smile, to help, to learn, to encourage, to be.

Happy new years everyone

i hope its a good one

<3Martha

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-28T11:30:00

2004-12-28T16:32:06Z

oh man, its been forever since i've written in here...
okay so christmas rocked
and i'm cool
thats all

-martha-

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-23T12:54:00

2004-12-23T17:55:01Z

pfft..okay so i'm really bad at updating this thing, but oh well
in two days its christmas
thats the coolest thing ever

thats all

-martha

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-18T20:51:00

2004-12-19T02:05:09Z

well tonight i went to amy mcpeters wedding, it was so nice she is so georgeous. when me and my mom were getting ready to leave i ran into one of my old teachers..first grade teacher and he was like oh my gosh martha you've grown up so much i hardly recognized you and stuff. and we started talking bout those days...and its just had me thinking all night long, and its just kinda sad u know? i miss the old days. some parts i never want to repeat again, but at the same time your so innocent and you are yeah...just a kid, its like no drama or anything like that you know...you have all these hopes and dreams of your future and you never realize that it isn't going to turn out that way. and love, wow love...i didn't know what love was when i was like 6 years old...but then again do i even know what love is now? we always smiled, and laughed and nothing ever really got to us, but then again we didn't really understand a lot the more you know, the more you hurt. its like you were living in a fantasy world, then at some point you step into reality. i don't really know when reality hit me, i wish i was still living in that fantasy world. it just feels like i'm sitting here and watching life pass me by, its going on without me...i look back now and i'm like i never really did anything big or important, never made an impact on anyones life and never really got out and did that...i don't just want to be that..i want to be able to get out there...to make a difference, i don't want to get to be 87 and be like well hell, where did my life go? i want to fit in, to find my group of friends that i stick with and i don't fall apart from, right now its like i have few good good friends, everyone is just kind of an aquantence...i'm waiting for my life to begin; its like everything right now is just leading up to my life...i don't want to miss out on anything but anyways, my brothers yelling at me to get off the computer...sorry for the weird jumbled up post...just kinda some thoughts of mine

don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories

<3martha

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-18T10:15:00

2004-12-18T15:20:11Z

well, its saturday...and i got up at 7:54. what in the world is wrong with me

its saturday...and i got up at 7:54..i got up at 7:54 to drive to winston...its december 18 and at 8:30 in the morning its cold...and the car doesn't have a heater...what is wrong with me?!?!?

so anyways, its 10:20 (yeah i should still be sleeping) and i'm excited for the day actually...i went to khols this morning and got me a super duper cute coat...it was 100$...but thats okay because it was so stinkin cute! and i got me some gloves...they are some cool stuff.
so this afternoon i'm going to a wedding...and i'm excited, i can't wait to get all dressed up and stuff, i like never get dressed up so i'm excited.
dad's gone for the weekend so its even funner
well i'm outta here, time to eat <3333

--martha--

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-16T19:32:00

2004-12-17T00:32:47Z

well i'm a pimp...

he thinks he's a pimp

2004-12-12T19:52:14Z

its SunDay; but i'll start at the begining
friday night then umm...i don't really remember what i did, proboally because i didn't do anything cool, saturday i got up at like 10 and went out with mom and andy to el palenque then to walmart and the library...then me and mom and alex went to the YMCA and i worked out a lot, did some muscle stuff (haha weird i know) and ran for 3 and a half miles cause i'm a cool kid. then i came home and slept some then woke up and i forget what i did. last night i was in a sad mood cause i really missed just having someone there with me...to like be in there arms and stuff like that, i was lonley. i watched court tv with my mom, haha they showed this COPS episode on lexington where they were getting all the prostitutes, man there's some sick people in that town..sorry sam. today got up and went to church. sat with allen and susan b. that was really funny, then came home and i'm hangin out with tiffany tonight so that will rock definantly cause she's a cool kid.
anyways now i'm just sitting here doing nothing interesting, kinda bored. so i'm outtta here!
so i'm outta here pimps...(cody is definantly a pimp)

<3Martha

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-10T15:11:00

2004-12-10T20:16:04Z

Well i stayed home from school today (2nd day this week)
i just don't feel like being there
i can't wait till christmas break, even though i'm grounded most of it...
i still won't have to get up every morning and go to that stupid place.
and me and sam get to spend new years together-yaayyy.

i'm in a weird mood today...kind of one of those emotionless moods where you arn't sad but you're not happy your just kind of there, yeahh i'm in one of those.
i've just sat on the computer all day, for the past four hours...listing to music and stuff, but now i gotta go clean so that i can be on the phone this weekend.

How do i let go of a love
that ment so much to me
how do i go on
when your part of me
i'm dying inside each time i see you
don't loose sight of me
cause your all i see
you're still all i see
-rufio-road to recovery

-_Martha_-

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-08T14:20:00

2004-12-08T19:26:16Z

Hey Yall wanna bees
well i stayed home from school today, slept until 11-w00t that was nice.
i've talked to cody a lot today (he's skippin...shame shame shame shame) =)

i've come to the conclusion that i'm a lot happier when i just flat out don't talk to jose...because when i do talk to him its cool and all (unless we're fighting) but then i walk away all sad and crap...so yeah...its days like today when i can stay home and curl up on the couch watching reruns of tv shows with ice cream and barbeque chips that i feel happy. plus talking to someone who genuinly cares about me and wants to see me happy

so anyways i'm outta here..i'm gunna look for an icon for my journal
parrrty!

<3_martha_<3

24 days

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-06T18:11:00

2004-12-06T23:15:58Z

for a monday it wasn't that bad of a day. the worst part was when i found out cody was grounded...which is sad cause i won't get to talk to him for like a week. boo u whore!
I am so stressed i have this reaserch paper to do tonight, so i don't even know why i'm updating this thing...i should be working on my work.
but anyways, i just wanted to let every one in on the sad news that cody's grounded
and amy's my boo

<3_martha mcsexy

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-05T00:01:00

2004-12-05T05:12:29Z

well, i'm just sitting here thinking alot, kind of about everything. about how my life has changed so much, and about how even now i'm changing into the person i'm going to be for a long time.
i've been thinking alot about my future latly, because the choices i make today affect my future, not only tomorrow but in years to come. and the person i'm becomming is going to shape and decide my future. And my past is going to shape it as well, and as much as i want to stop that, i can't. so i can base it on regrets and mistakes and have that to face the "real world" with or i can take with me lessons and use them to help someone else thorugh life. thats what i wasn't to do, help. and in my futre i want to do that no matter what that means. but i want to do it with a companion, someone who isn't going to stop my dreams, or tell me no. i want someone who will run aong side wiith me. My biggest fear right now is being restrained. i have been and i don't want to be again, i want to see all that life has to offer. and i want to love, because loving someone is the greatest thing in the world, and being loved is the secound greatest. but i don't want to just settle for anyone. i want to find someone who meets all my standards and sweeps me off my feet and can keep up with me.
i want to live, to not just dream, but achieve my dreams
to not just make it through each day crawling, but to fly to go up and beyond. i want to reach my rainbow. i want to make a difference in atleast one persons life. i don't ever want to be famous, where people look up to be because i have money and get my face on a magazine. but i do want to be rememberd as a normal girl, who had normal struggles, but did the unnormal thing and instead of wishing her life was something else, instead of wishing she was someone else..she learned to love who she was, learned to overcome and in this world where clothes and looks make you who you are, learned how to be own person, live her own dreams and learned how to get herself up and fly.

<3_martha

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-04T18:43:00

2004-12-05T00:06:03Z

well, i got my hair cut and highlighted today...its really layerd...and its like caramel and blonde highlights...it looks really good then i came home and slept alot cause my back hurts

<3you have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you, remember what you had, always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, but just remember life goes on<3

sry this was short, i don't got to much to say

<3_Martha_<3

xfallingfarther @ 2004-12-02T19:12:00

2004-12-03T00:21:53Z

well today was a good day. actually it was a wonderful day. i got so many complements...one person told me in 17 years of their life i had the prettiest eyes they'd ever seen...and i just got a lot of complements on how i looked and stuff so that really made me happy. i had to stay after school with ricardo and work on the reaserch paper...we are so far behind and will proboally have to end up working on saturday after i get my hair highlighted...dundundundun.
me and emily went running today-haha that was so fun. and me and cody talked this evening for a little bit. that was cool. and thanks to him i ate today!

i talked to the enmey for like 5 minutes tonight...that was horrible. so i'm kinda upset about that right now...well really upset. i miss him, well i miss who i thought he was but i know that thanks to <3friends im moving on. and maybe a boyfriend will make me move on faster or something...but anyways im gunna go now

_martha-<3

'im a lotta man baby'

2004-12-02T06:18:25Z

haha its 1:15..i just got off the phone with cody dude that was the funniest conversation ever

Cody:i weigh 160
Me:i only weigh 102
Cody: yeah well i'm tall and have muscle

ahahhahah cody u are halaroius
anyways im gunna go to bed cause i'm smilin right now&so maybe i won't cry

<3martha_

all good things end

2004-12-02T05:18:13Z

Gah its been such a stressful and eventful past like 72 hours. Jose has a new girlfriend, and he's living wither ..and we've been broke up for a week and 2 days now. i feel so hurt by him. betrayed and lied to also. and ihave to see them together and that sucks really badly. i havn't eaten alot in the past while...i just can't i've tried and i can't...i only weigh 102 right now...not good.

i do know though that i want to move on, and that i will be okay...and that eventually it won't hurt anymore. he's shown me that he's not at all who i thought he was...and that hurts, but it'll be cool

sam is grounded which is bad cause she is never grounded shes a good kid.

me and my anfl are so cool we are going running tomorrow

i have amazing friends that are helping me through things right now. <3 u know who yall are<3

i'm gunna go now i am swamped with homework. its like 12:17 in the mornin

<3_magical martha_<3

xfallingfarther @ 2004-11-28T15:04:00

2004-11-28T20:10:01Z

well i am back from tennessee...it was a fun trip, i got some pink rain boots, oh man they are so awesome. and i got a lonestar cd at a used bookstore for 5$..that was cool.
i ate so much, like more then i've eaten in like...29 days. it was so wonderful. i didn't get a chance to call anyone because the phones got taken away...but hey hey i'm ungrounded on WEDNESDAY which is so exciting.
i really don't want to go back to school tomorrow, art sucks right now i don't want to see jose because i always end up crying when i talk to him...and that isn't good. and fourth period we are doing a research project which is totally lame and i'm way behind.
I miss sam...i hope that me and her get to have an awesome new years this year...I <3 her to death..we've changed so much me and her..and never get to talk but we're still bests.
anyways i'm gunna go eat some rolls. haha i <3 you all..
hey who reads this thing?
well i'm outta here playa
-Martha-

survey-i got bored

2004-11-24T21:58:20Z

Everything About You Survey
Created by Crimsontear and taken 6588 times on bzoink!
Personal Information
First Name//	Martha
Age//	15
Gender//	Female
Nickname(s)//	Marty-mardi gra-marsha-i call myself princess
Hair Color//	brown
Hair Style//	down and straight-or up in a ponytail
Eye Color//	blue baby
What is your favorite
Color//	pink
Game//	canasta-gah i feel so old
Song//	i have a lot
Music Video//	Oh man...i can't choose
Animal//	MONKEY!
Sport//	Basketball/cross country
Country//	USA BABY
Movie//	hm...i'll go with tv show-thats gilmore girls
Food//	Ice cream, french fries, luckycharms, steak
Friends
Best//	SAMANTHA ES, ashbash, emuhlee, jose
Funniest//	they all make me laugh
Coolest//	shhoot there all cool
Sweetest//	they all are
Kindest//	they all are
Annoyingest//	dude...i <3 my friends
Dullest//	i don't have dull friends
Stupidest//	emmaleigh
Most Intelligent//	Sam
Athletic//	Sam
Relationships
Boy(Girl)friend//	no
Are you in love right now//	definantly
Do you have a crush//	yeah
Do you have a stalker//	i am a stalker
Do you miss someone right now//	terribly...
What do you do
At school//	work
At home//	sleep
Outside//	i don't believe in outside stuff
When you first wake up//	turn off my alarm clock
What _____do you hate
Food//	fish...exsept shrimp
Color//	red
Hair color//	hmm..i guess blonde
Tv show//	one tree hill
Clothing style//	redneck
Movie//	any western movie
Emotions Right Now
Are You Happy Right Now//	nahh
Sad//	sort of
Grumpy//	nope
Annoyed//	no
Angry//	no
Sick//	kind of
Lonely//	very
Bored//	a little
Have you ever
Made your own religion//	haha no but thats a good idea...
Written backwards//	yeah
Written your own magazine//	for journalism class
Drawn art//	definantly
Got angry with a game//	haha yeah
Played Lacrosse//	nope
Broken a bone//	nope
Dyed your hair//	yeah-PINK! that rocked
Put in contacts for no reason//	no
Swam alone//	yeah
Things that come to mind when you read...
Intelligentence//	smart people
Stupidity//	haha that makes me laugh
Depress//	gothic kids
Blood//	yuck
Blue//	jose
Gray//	rain
Sword//	sword in the stone
Golf//	boring
Soccer//	luke andrew
Yellow//	andrea
Socks//	my mom
Ribbon//	winner
Random Questions
Play Sports, if so, what ones//	i used to...
Have a lot of friends//	i used to...
Write good//	yeah
Eat a lot//	definantly
Like the day Friday//	depends on who i spend it with
Like the month December//	i guess so
Do you(or are you)
(DY)Give good advice//	i think so
(DY)Talk crap//	shoot yeah
(DY)Play a lot of games//	nah
(DY)Wear hats//	no
(DY)Like to be outside//	no
(AY) Always mad//	nahh
(AY) Always happy//	nahh
(AY) A good friend//	i guess so
This or that (Last questions)
Night or day//	night
Snow or Rain//	rain
Stars or the Moon//	stars<3
Ocean or Pool//	ocean
Boat or Plane//	raft
Books or Magazines//	books
Yu-Gi-Oh Cards or Pokemon Cards//	digemon
Blonde or Black Hair//	black
Green or Blue Eyes//	blue
Pants or Shorts//	pants
Pop or Rock//	rock
Punk or Emo//	emo
Tatoos or Piercings//	piercings
Necklace or Ring//	both
Clouds or No Clouds//	clouds
Art or Literature//	art
Jeans or Baggy Pants//	jeans
Singing or Dancing//	both:)
March or May//	They both have significant meaning to me<3
Halloween or Christmas//	christmans...halloween was fun this year tho
Coke or Pepsi//	pepsi
Hug or Kiss//	Hug
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

xfallingfarther @ 2004-11-24T15:29:00

2004-11-24T20:52:59Z

well i didn't go to school today-i didn't feel like it,plus i didn't want to be in art-i hate the stupid project that we are working on right now
...Caleb Gentle called me today-which was compleltly out of the blue and just totally awesome. me and him had a wonderful conversation i miss him a lot...at salem he was my closest guy friend that i had, hopefully me and him will be able to hang out sometime in december....he's a really really great friend.
I've watched tv like all day long-well i slept until like 11.
My samantha is in alabama..i hope that she doesn't get sick this time
oh yeah-chris wilson and me talked yesterday again-w00t that was great. I <3 him he's so cool, and actually listens to me and understands things.

Anyways Jose told me last night that i made big stupid mistakes in the relationship with him...which is so much crap..because i have never cheeted on him, i have never even liked another guy...and all this stuff. and i told him that i'm not a perfect person and yes i made mistakes but i learned from each and every mistake that i made, and i learned a little bit more about love and how to love...
and he tried to tell me that we could have a perfect relationship
and i told him that we couldn't, everyone fights and everyone makes mistakes ... its what you do with the mistakes that shows who you are...and yeah he just needs to realize that i'm not a perfect person. and that i do love him unconditionally, and even though we arn't together right now i still love him..and hope that me and him do go back out, but he can't exspect me to be a perfect person and always do everything exactly right...because thats not even human...i'm not perfect..i'm not an angel....but i am a princess:)

anyways i'd better go...
i'm going to tennessee tomorrow-i get to drive-woot
i'm gunna miss yall that i've talked to
but wednesday i get ungrounded
w000t
im outta here

<3martha

November reeks

2004-11-23T20:20:57Z

After a lot of searching for the perfect lyrics to post for today...i think that i may have found the ones that sum everything up...
Guns 'n roses-november rain

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this auch a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain
Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Okay so today was a very rotten day
Me and jose are "taking a break"
and yesterday we were fine....until the afternoon, and then things just went way down hill for me and him and he made a really rude comment to me today and everything. and i went home because i couldn't stand it there at school seeing him and him treating me like that, and i needed to just be able to lay down and sleep and clear my mind and stragize my battle field.
So anyways...i'm outta here i'll proboally update later
<3-Martha-<3

spider attack

2004-11-20T20:36:04Z

well this is like my 5th livejournal....who knows how long i'll keep this one up for

Alright...so this morning i get up and i'm sitting at the computer and i look up..and on the wall there is this HUGE spider. And i'm like no way am i killing it...so i just sit there and continue about my bussiness then like 1 hour later it starts moving down the wall and i'm all like oh no what am i going to do. and i go wake up my mom and she's like just kill it. so i go put on long sleeves and gloves and get a book..and when i get back in the room its gone and i'm like oh my gosh...and it was onthe computer so smush it with a book but i only smushed half of it so it didn't die...and if fell behind the desk. it will proboally attack me later

so ever since last night i've been working on jose's christmas present...i really hope that he likes it because i've put alot of my heart and time into it...and i may just have to beat him up if he doesn't like it!

Sam you so better send me my letter soon. And when you get your pictures back you better send me one...don't make me hunt you down!

anyways...i'm gunna go.

_<3love always-martha mcsexy<3_